Who Am I to Tell You How to Parent?

Against my better judgment and intentions, I still jump in with solutions even when I know my kids should figure stuff out on their own. I still give too much advice. Just tonight at bedtime my son told me something and I didn’t handle it the way I wished I would have.

I’m irritable. I make frustrated faces and use an impatient tone.

Sometimes we have too much on our plate. I get super impatient and am totally distracted — the opposite of being in the moment or present.

I let my kids play M-rated video games. Heck, I even watch them and ask questions. They’re on their phones way more than I want them to be. And I’m not being a good role model as I sit on my computer and have my phone on me all the time.

I worry about sex and drugs and the pressures that my kids face. I don’t have good solutions for so many of the challenges our kids are up against these days.

Who am I to tell anybody how to parent their kids?

I hear that question in my head some (okay, many) days. I’m no expert. I screw up. Who am I to help other parents?

But I do. Help them.

Being a parenting coach isn’t about telling people how to parent, it’s about giving them new tools and skills (that most of us never learned) to do the work of parenting. It’s about helping parents find their own inner voice and confidence and learning new ways to relate to their kids. But sometimes my ego gets in the way and I think it’s about me … that I need to have “the answers” to be a parent coach (kind of like we think we need all the answer for our kids to be a good parent). And then I remind myself that it’s never been about me — I’m simply giving parents the sacred space for their own transformation.

I’ve been doing my own transformation work for over seven years and practicing conscious parenting for over four, even before I had a name for it. And it’s a practice, which means some days I am empathetic and untriggered—and some days I lose my sh#t on my kids. When I do, I repair trust (which might include an apology). I reconnect. I keep doing. We all screw up sometimes.

I’ve surrendered to being imperfect, as a parent and as a person. (Ha! As if perfection was really ever an option.)

Now I practice being REAL.

I love listening to other parents and helping them through the voices they hear saying, “Who are you to . . .?” We hear (or imagine) ourselves being judged by the other moms at school drop off or by anonymous voices online. Even before we’re born, people are telling us what we should do and not do.

The Internet lets us connect ever more with people. We can quickly poll friends or strangers to find out “What would you do if your kid was accused of bullying?” or “How did you start talking to your tween about sex?” Sometimes we get great ideas. Sometimes we get overloaded. And sometimes we hear, “You aren’t enough.”

You are enough. You do have something to offer. Yes, even when you mess up. Even when you’re imperfect.

Start here:

• Let go—forgive yourself for the stupid crap you did in the past that you continue to beat yourself up about
• Be kind to yourself
• Be more gentle, loving and compassionate towards yourself (would you say those rotten things to your best friend?)
• See your own unique awesomeness (it’s what makes you you)
• Fall in love with yourself (really, you are lovable and worthy, imperfections and all)!

Who am I to be a parent coach?

I’m Deb, and I believe in imperfection and embracing my own inner uniqueness (dare I say weirdness). I am enough. I’m here in service to parents who are ready to commit to themselves, their personal transformation, their families.

Who are you?

You can move beyond “Who am I” to a confident “I am.” Start embracing all of yourself – imperfections and awesomeness together. Start loving yourself, because self-love heals.