But you probably don’t think so. Or perhaps you think you are too much. But in some way, you probably are hiding some parts of yourself – the parts you fear are not lovable.
Over the years, you have been subjected to loads of conditioning and comparisons. And you learned at a very young age to do whatever it took to be loved and accepted…even if it meant being someone other than your true self. You may have learned that it was best to hide what you think and feel and who you are because it was safer that way. It was a brilliant strategy as a kid! But most of us kept on doing that well into adulthood and eventually we realize that we don’t even recognize ourselves anymore. It’s like the real you doesn’t exist in your life. Or maybe you don’t even know who the real you is.
For me, it was so painful when I realized that I was no longer sure who I was – I wanted to be accepted, loved, and validated so badly that I became someone else along the way. Deep down I knew something I was not right.
The real you has always been in there – it’s just hidden
Underneath those layers of conditioning, false (aka other people’s) beliefs, judgments, and criticisms lies the real you. We live in a society that rewards and encourages conformity. Being yourself requires courage. It might seem safer to hide that true self, but life is a million times better when you show up and shine your own light, so to speak. It’s so worth the risk!
When we can let go of what other people think and own our story, we gain access to our worthiness—the feeling that we are enough just as we are and that we are worthy of love and belonging. When we spend a lifetime trying to distance ourselves from the parts of our lives that don’t fit with who we think we’re supposed to be, we stand outside of our story and hustle for our worthiness by constantly performing, perfecting, pleasing, and proving. Our sense of worthiness—that critically important piece that gives us access to love and belonging—lives inside of our story. ~ Brene Brown
It was risky when you were a child, but you are safe now
Are you willing to take the risk to bring more of YOU into your life? To reveal more of yourself to your friends and family?
Your young self, the one who had to do whatever it took to be accepted is telling you not to do it – it’s WAY. TOO. RISKY. It’s the part of you that says that you must hide those “bad” things about you – the things that mommy and daddy told you to stop being or doing. It’s the part of you who believes that you won’t be loved if other people know those things about you.
You don’t want this to be true.
You know that you love other people, shortcomings and all. You know that you even find your loved one’s quirks and flaws endearing. You wonder…perhaps others could feel that way about you too?
Can you find that part of yourself that believes it’s possible that you can be yourself and still be loved? That you don’t have to constantly perform, perfect, please and prove? That you can settle into who you really are and people will still love you?
It’s the hiding that’s exhausting
It’s so much easier to be who you really are rather than exerting all that energy to be someone you think you SHOULD be or hiding so you can experience the illusion of safety. Believe me, as you begin to remove those layers you are hiding beneath you will feel the weight lifted off your shoulders – you will have more energy and you will feel less burdened. It’s the trying so hard that takes all of your energy. It’s like trying to hold 5 beach balls underwater all by yourself. It’s a constant effort.
Each time you reveal more of who you really are and are still accepted and you “survive,” your young self will begin to believe that it really IS safe to be yourself and live a life that is true to what you really want and believe. You will begin to see that being yourself is much easier than trying to conform and be someone you believe others will accept and love.
You will find that it’s easier for people to love and connect to you when you are not hiding or playing small.
This is about self-acceptance not “accept me or else”
This slightly different than turning 40 or 50 and saying “Screw you, take me as I am because I don’t care.” I am talking about true self-acceptance and self-love. It’s more of a surrender to the truth of who we are on a soul level and comes from the place of love. The “screw you, accept me for who I am” is more about telling the world to accept you and it usually comes from the place of fear and separation. What I am talking about is when you learn to fully accept yourself so that the world feels that and, in turn, fully accepts you.
Self-knowledge, self-forgiveness, self-kindness, self-acceptance, and ultimately self-love have the potential to bring your life to a whole new level. It’s the true secret to having the connection and love you have always wanted in your life.
It’s starts with you. You can only be loved as much as you love yourself.
One of the biggest regrets people express on their deathbed is that they didn’t live a life that was true to themselves – that they hid, played small, and didn’t really fully live because they were afraid to. It’s true, it requires courage! And you have to be willing to swim upstream because most people are still hiding, performing, and conforming. But the rewards are beyond measure.
The world wants more of YOU!
Please post below if you can relate to this. Do you want to bring more of yourself to your life? Or have you already done this and want to share how you did it or what life is like for you now? Please share!