You’re moving through life, day by day, plugging along feeling neither great nor awful. Then one day you say, “WTF, is this it? No way, I want more.”
You’ve read the self-help books. Listened to the TedTalks. Go to hot yoga. Been to therapy. Listened to the “best” advice. Argh, but you are still feeling alone, unhappy, and dissatisfied. It’s so frustrating!
You’re intimately aware of the voice in your head that tells you to do more, do it better, stop doing that, lose weight, be more of this and less of that. She helps you to get shit done by man-oh-man is she tough!
And if you’re a mom…you are the uber self-sacrificer. And self-care and prioritizing your happiness seems self-indulgent and selfish. So your guilt stops you from taking real action (and instead you secretly eat chocolate and drink wine after the kids go to sleep).
I totally get it. And you are so not alone.
Been there – putting everyone else’s needs ahead of mine, not even knowing what I want or what makes me happy, sacrificing myself to be more accepted by people I don’t even enjoy being with, comparing myself to some made up version of the “perfect mom” or “perfect friend” and always beating myself up for falling short. Ya know what I mean?
Listen, I’m not saying I am the master at loving myself. It’s a practice for sure. But what I do know is that there are some real things we can do to ditch the trash talking inner voice, put ourselves on our own VIP list in a guilt-free way, finally feel freakin’ enough already, and forgive ourselves for our pasts so we can MOVE ON.
And, trust me, the rewards are crazy unbelievable.
One other thing. I don’t do self-love coaching because I think I am the guru – I do this work because I know it’s necessary for anyone who wants a fulfilling and happy life. But I can promise you that I’ve made it my life’s work to learn everything I can about how to live a peaceful, fulfilling, and happy life.
Moms, this one is for you…
I hereby grant you, not only permission, but a mandate (heehee) to do this work. Seriously though, if you don’t love yourself and make yourself a priority, how the heck will your kids learn to? Here’s my pinky promise to you – if you do this work for yourself, you will be a shitload more patient and happy and your family will THANK you (and me haha) for it.
Let me be clear, I’m not talking about narcissism, nor am I saying you have to love your life exactly as it is (now). And for all y’all perfectionists out there, you can’t do “self-love” perfectly, so don’t even try! Just being here reading this and showing up with curiosity about self-love is a huge first step (yay you!).
What I am talking about is learning to
- forgive yourself for the stupid crap you did in the past that you continue to beat yourself up about (let it go! let it go!);
- stop being so unkind to yourself (it’s mean and it doesn’t work anyway);
- be more gentle, loving and compassionate towards yourself (now doesn’t that feel better?);
- see the uniquely awesome things about you that make you YOU (embrace your inner weird), and
- fall in love with yourself (because you are lovable and worthy, imperfections and all)!
Let’s talk a little more about you…
I’ll bet you’re a good person, you put others’ needs ahead of yours, you work hard. You’re probably very high-functioning and pride yourself on getting a lot done. You enjoy hangin’ with friends and family, go on nice vacations, and try to do what it takes to live a good and healthy life. You seem happy and like everything’s okay.
But behind that happy face and strong exterior, you might:
- struggle with low self-esteem, negative self-talk and a sense of not being good enough, despite your achievements and contributions, and the good things you do for others
- numb or stuff your feelings with food, alcohol, shopping, work, Facebook, or your own favorite way to avoid feeling and dealing
- find yourself impatient, triggered and lashing out at the people you love
- secretly feel like crap about yourself and suffer with anxiety, depression, insomnia, or other emotionally exhausting conditions
- feel a sense that something is missing or “off” but you can’t put your finger on it
- struggle with comparison-itis where you compare yourself to everyone else – envious of their confidence, their success, their stuff, their fun lives – always coming up short
- ruminate and get stuck in your head…thinking, planning, worrying, deciding
- have friends and a social life, but feel alone and not as connected to people as you would like
- feel sick and tired of hearing yourself complain about your problems – repeating the same patterns over and over again
- know you have all of the ingredients for a happy life, but you cannot figure out why you don’t feel happy
You might think that you have to live this way because, well, you don’t know anything you can do to feel better. And frankly, it’s what we see everyone around us doing. But if you’re like me, you aren’t willing to accept living this way. You know you can have more and you want a better and more fullfilling life.
If you’re a parent, you might feel even more trapped – thinking you need to put your own feelings, needs, and pain on the back burner so you can take care of your kids. (ahem, bullshit!) Such pressure we put on ourselves!
I’ll take a stab at what you might want:
- closer relationships with better communication.
- to stop losing your patience with your loved ones!
- to be kinder towards yourself and to feel more empowered in your life.
- your love relationship to be more supportive, connected, and intimate.
- to feel more respected by others and stop feeling like people walk all over you.
- to stop striving to be perfect and get it all right!
- to feel better about yourself, your body, and your life.
- to feel confident, ambitious, and ready to go after your big dreams!
Sounds cool, right? Yea, okay, but I know you’re wondering – HOW?
That’s where I come in.
I’m Deb and I’ve been a life coach/counselor for over six years. I’m not a therapist, but I do help people heal. Self-love coaching is a compilation of what I have learned in my own personal healing work as well as my training and research. I take what sounds woo-woo and inaccessible and turn it into something practical and actionable. I like to think of myself as a bridge from
- suffering and in pain to personal freedom, happiness and inner peace
- feeling self-critical and unworthy to self-empowered and knowing your worth.
- hanging on for dear life to thriving and living an inspired life!
One of my clients recently said “this self-love stuff is the best kept secret, why didn’t anyone ever teach me this when I was younger?”
So, yea…let’s talk about why I do self-love coaching.
My own personal healing journey began in when I was 38. I was married to a really great guy (still am and he still is) and had two kids, 4 and 6. I was a stay at home mom at the time and I just kept complaining that I wasn’t happy. Honestly, I didn’t know what was happening or why I felt this way.
I was weighed down by my emotional baggage and childhood hurts. I had no hope that it would get better and felt like I had no one to turn to. No one who could guide me out of the pain I was in.
By the time I was 39, I was no longer able to put on a happy face and pretend that everything was okay because it simply was not.
I was blaming my husband for everything, critical of everyone, could barely drag myself out of bed, and was sad and felt isolated. I felt so alone. During this time I nearly lost my marriage. I did stupid stuff that was completely out of character for me. I later learned that I was what I would call now “disconnected from myself.” I was so caught up in being unhappy and wanting my circumstances to change so I could BE happy that I lost sight of myself and how I could take responsibility. I became a victim and was completely disempowered.
Thank God I had my boys (now 12 and 14) to teach me about unconditional love and to serve as a catalyst for me to to stop numbing my feelings and to become an emotionally healthy role model for them.
I spent the first few years focused on fixing myself and self-improvement. I was searching and seeking for something, but I never could really pinpoint what I was looking for. It wasn’t until I turned inward and away from outside validation, approval, and opinions that I was able to find my voice, my truth, and my Self.
This journey was the journey back home to myself.
That’s what I want for you too. We’ve all learned to look outside of ourselves – even religion teaches us to look to a God outside of ourselves – for happiness. It’s time to turn our focus inward. After I explain this to my clients, they really do understand that self-love might be the answer for them, but most of them say “but I have no idea how to do that or how to get started.”
Making self-love concrete and actionable is what I do.
You can’t put this stuff on the back-burner. I ask, “if not now, when?” And if you are a parent, need I remind you how fast they grow up? This self-love stuff will rock your world and change your relationship with your kids. Change yourself, change your family. Change yourself, change the world.
Let me be clear – this is not a butterflies, unicorns, and manifestations self-love program. 😉 I love butterflies, unicorns, and manifesting, but self-love is WAY more than that. To really learn to love yourself you need to go beyond temporary quick fixes, positivity, and affirmations and go deep and do the deeper work.
Stick with me. Believe me, everyone can do this. Everyone can learn how to love themselves.
What would it be like to feel normal…to feel great…to feel fully alive?
Can you imagine feeling less triggered, more patient, more present, less reactive and angry, more mindful, and less sad? Can you imagine having more energy and feeling peaceful inside (even when things are happening that would have upset you in the past)?
Sound Lofty or Unrealistic? It’s not. I am not saying that you can feel “happy” and smiley all the time – that IS unrealistic. But I am saying that you can feel more alive, more fulfilled, and more at peace most of the time and have the tools to get back to that place when you get derailed.
I’ll to teach you what you need to know, guide you to where you want to go, and support you along the way. To help you to feel alive, be yourself, heal old wounds and find acceptance and self-love.
To get started, grab the Self-Love Starter Kit. It’s filled with fun resources and simple ways to dip your toe into self-love. Read on to learn more about working together:
Some things we will cover while we work together are:
- Who Are YOU and What Do You Want?
- Core wounds
- Reparenting your inner child – finding places that need love
- Healing your nervous system
- Shifting from your head to your heart
- Inner dialog/inner critic
- Setting boundaries
- Living intentionally
I don’t live near you, can I still participate?
Our sessions can be in person or on the phone. This allows me to work with people regardless of their location and it allows busy people more flexibility because you can do sessions while your child is napping, from your office, on vacation, or anywhere!
How much does it cost?
My fees are as follows:
- $150 for 60 minutes
- $225 for 90 minutes
- $300 for 2 hours
I also offer a hybrid option with live sessions and text coaching:
- $350 monthly, which includes
- one 50 minute session (phone or in person)
- unlimited texting between sessions
- $425 monthly, which includes
- two 50 minute sessions (phone or in person)
- unlimited texting between sessions
I have experimented with this over the summer and my clients have loved it.
How do I get started?
If you’re ready to take action, the first step is to setup a free 30 minute “I need more self-love” call with me. In this session, we’ll
- Get clear about what’s really most challenging in your life right right now.
- Discuss why being beating yourself up doesn’t work and what does!
- Identify the most powerful actions that will move you towards getting what you want.
- Complete the consultation with the excitement of knowing EXACTLY what to do next to reclaim your happiness, feel more empowered, and love your life (and yourself)!
I only offer a few free sessions per month, so book it now!